Multiple Personality

Sometimes I don’t even need to make mention of the hypocritical and mind-boggling events of politics; Stephen Colbert does it beautifully, in his role as a pseudo-ignorant Bill O’Reilly clone (you can tell the difference: Colbert feigns ignorance for satire; O’Reilly feigns ignorance to pander to the far Right and be a media whore).

In one segment of last Thursday’s Colbert Report, Stephen addressed these two stories:

• Dubya’s “Axis of Evil”: Now that North Korea is perhaps leaving Bush’s self-proclaimed enemies list, Stephen wants to add a new entrant. “America, Spain is now in the Axis of Evil. No more tacos! From now on, they are freedom shells!”

If you don’t remember the reference, when France didn’t go along with our Republican-run government’s decision to invade Iraq (silly, silly France!), our Republican-run House of Representatives ordered all House-run restaurants, cafeterias, and snack bars to rename French fries and French toast, and call them “freedom fries” and “freedom toast.”

Wanna know what the French said? The French embassy made no comment beyond pointing out that French fries probably come from Belgium. “We are at a very serious moment dealing with very serious issues and we are not focusing on the name you give to potatoes,” said Nathalie Loisau, an embassy spokeswoman. Le snap, ma belle Loisau!

By the way, this feat of culinary patriotism happened back in 2003, and the food signs weren’t all changed back until July of 2006. Another interesting side note is that brain-trust Representative Walter B. Jones, Jr. (R-NC), one of the two magnificent specimens of democracy that enacted the order, arrived at the belief in May 2005 that the U.S. went to war “with no justification,” and said of the freedom fries action: “I wish it had never happened.” (This whole debacle was done by our Congress, on the clock, getting paid on the tax-payer dime. If anyone has any numbers detailing just how much of our money they spent doing this little dance, I’d love you to post it.)

• The Supreme Court ruled against Washington, D.C.’s right to ban handguns. Justice Antonin “Boom Boom” Scalia wrote, “It is not the role of this court to pronounce the Second Amendment extinct.” According to Stephen: “He is right; killing the Constitution is the President’s job. The Court’s job is to overturn elections.”

I should add that this was a 5 to 4 ruling of the Supreme Court. That means that Scalia isn’t the only megalomaniac nutball on the Court and Clarence “Long Dong Silver” Thomas isn’t his only yes-judge henchman. Sometimes these cases go 4 to 5 and the Right wing of this “impartial” board just barely loses to sanity.

I bring this up because several of these justices are somewhere between 90 and death (give or take), and ready to retire imminently. Our next President will be appointing several new Ultimate Judges, to determine what freedoms we are still allowed to enjoy. If you’ve been threatening, for whatever reason, to vote for McCain, please do some investigating and ponder what kind of Freedom Shells he would indelibly stick us with.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 30th, 2008 at 1:20 pm and is filed under Politics and Life, Television and Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.