Multiple Personality

The show opens with the girls unpleasantly reminding me of that Children of the Corn farmgirl number that Mia did a few weeks back. Then the boys came out with their shirts open. It’s unusual seeing a slow number as the group dance that opens Black Thursdays; I’m concerned they’re preparing me for disappointment. And I get more disappointed as that number proceeds. Kinda ugly, y’all. It’s very hard to do a group couples-adage dance, because it’s stupidly hard to get the timing of those lifts simultaneous among all the couples, and without that it looks lousy. This did look pretty lousy, and I haven’t heard who the choreographer is yet, but I’m guessing someone with a beaver fixation. Not to be crass (too late?), but between the split-leg display the girls did while in the air (and sideways) and that final lift where the boys hoisted them via the va-jay-jay, I thought it was a little, um, exotic. Not to mention it’s that everyone-looks-sad-and-dances-poignantly stuff that I think is at the low end of the interesting scale.

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If you were here for either of the last Penis Posts, you’ll recall that I promised this guy I would write a post each week about penises, if he would divulge some information I was irrationally curious about. Unexpectedly, he did. Ironically, I had already figured it out. Intrepidly, I’m trying to be true to my penile word. I don’t know that there is such a thing as a “penile word,” and how it would be different from any other kind of genitally inspired word. I’m not really certain words can be inspired by genitals. Oh wait — I take that back. Many a man has given or broken his word over indoor or outdoor plumbing.

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Now that most of the competitive dances are done for this season (with the exception of Final Four dances, which can be some of the best), I think it’s time to make lists. Lists are good.

I have two lists in mind. The first is the greatest dances of this season. There are lots of very good dances, but I’m talking about the ones you can’t get out of your head. For me, there have been two unforgettables, with one honorable mention:

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It’s a very small group for the opening solo-ettes, and Twitch knocked his outta the park. The other outstanding tidbit was the closing pose of Courtney and Joshua; that girl just threw herself backwards, secure that Muscle Josh was gonna catch her. One-handed. In the small of the back. Yipes and wow.

Cat is wearing a post-apocalypse Flapper dress, with shoes that appear to have tribbles tied to the back.The heels are actually too high to be fuck-me pumps. They are gang-bang-me pumps. Her homosexual stylists have been hard at work. Adam Shankman is the guest jidge. Will he be a lamb of a Shankman or more like mutton?

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Why does “0 grams Trans Fat” get its own set-up?

You may praise Cheesus if you wish.

I, however, recently found the Buddha in a Golden Delicious apple.

All hail Buddhelicious!

There seems to be something interesting happening in Congress. Obama has been talking about “change” since he started campaigning, and maybe we’re already in the early stages of it. Either that, or karma is just shooting some people in the foot who’ve had their pistols cocked for quite some time (stay tuned for a pay-off to the “pistols cocked” metaphor).

As much as Republicans like to disparage the morals of Democrats — and nobody has perfected disparaging quite like Republicans, perhaps under the tutelage of Karl “I’m Satan” Rove — it seems that the real violations of ethics and morals have been coming home to roost lately in GOP laps. (If you’re worried about mixed metaphors, what with roosting, laps, and cocked pistols, please just give me a wide stance — I mean, berth. Trust me. I’m a professional.)

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I always thought Oliver Stone spoke the truth in his film, JFK, in a way no one else had the nerve to. Well, Mr. Nervy is back this October . . . 18 days before Election Day. Note the dull, vacant stare that Josh Brolin achieves.

I can’t WAIT!

As the Summer Olympics draw near, there are several things to focus the attention upon: Will China’s medal count go higher than its human rights violations? Will NBC spend at least half of its airtime on the actual competitions, or will it be 90% up-close-and-personals? Will the French have cooler looking uniforms than us?

But all of these issues — even the last one — pale in comparison to the heartbreak of the Speedo situation.

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Newsweek interviewed Barack Obama, and asked him if accusations of narcissism were appropriate because he began a speech in Berlin with a few sentences about himself.

I thought narcissism was when someone put their own wants and desires over those of others. A narcissistic President might be one who puts his own wants and desires over the good of the country. That sounds like someone familiar. (Hint: it ain’t Obama.)

I remember a Peanuts cartoon years ago, where Lucy accused Linus of not caring enough about humanity. Surprised and indignant, he responded, “I love humanity! It’s people I can’t stand!”

I don’t exactly bring this up because there are a bunch of people who are getting in the way of my love for humanity. But life and work would sure be a lot easier sometimes if other people didn’t have to be involved, is all I’m saying.

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