Multiple Personality

Well, I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a Faustian snafu. This fellow who writes another blog (it’s linked on the side, but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of specifying which one, since I’m feeling petulant at the moment) made an entry in which he described how a Very, Very Famous Person had contacted him. This Blogger Who Shall Not Be Named then proceeded to — extremely sadistically — tease the reader about his interactions with VVFP, making it annoyingly clear that he would never reveal VVFP’s n-a-m-e.

This happened to coincide with a blog entry I — not a sadistic person — made about a huge penis disrupting a high school graduation. Well — it was a young man in upstate New York dressed in a penis costume (as young men in upstate New York are, perhaps, wont to do).

I contacted BWSNBN after his stridently manipulative post, and pointed him to my huge penis post. I suggested to this blogger — a known homosexual — that I would make a post about penises on a weekly basis if he would tell me the name of VVFP. I’m not sure why I made such an offer. I hit these instant gratification pockets, and they get me into trouble, okay? I felt, however, that I would be penile-commitment-free, since BWSNBN seemed extremely dedicated to keeping his stupid little secret (note the petulance rearing up again).

The sad thing here is, when I did a quick brainstorm (upon first reading his insouciant post) about whom that VVFP might be, the name I came up with was exactly who it turned out to be (when BWSNBN e-mailed me back with the sodding name of the person). So now I am obliged to make a weekly penis-themed post. I honestly don’t know how long I can keep this up. (Were the oblique phallic puns in that last sentence enough to qualify this as a penis post?)

By the way, BWSNBN — did I mention he was a known homosexual? — tried to dictate to me what kind of penis posts I was to create (I told you he was insouciant). To quote him: “. . . they have to be ODD posts. Not like, isn’t Matt Summers’s penis cute?” Lemme tell you something, Bloggy Boy — we don’t take orders here at Multiple Personality. And even if we did, I’m not sure what you mean by ODD. Are you just capitalizing the word “odd” for emphasis, or is it a syndrome, like ADD? Are you expecting my penis posts to have Ovarian Deficit Disorder? Well, I think that would be a given.

So here’s my first post since my tumescent agreement with you, evil gay blogging tyrant:

This is Matt Summers. He is, apparently, some kind of cowboy.

A description of him — written by better minds than I — says that he is “as cute as all hell, horny as a goat and has no gag reflex.” While I have no personal experience to corroborate the following, it is my understanding that he has a fetching penis.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008 at 11:16 am and is filed under The Human Condition. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.