Multiple Personality

Like the cockroach, even when assaulted with toxic radiation I have survived the first week of this thing and am back for more nuking. Cloris is dressed in something Scottish; I don’t know what kind of dance they could possibly be doing. Oh . . . maybe it’s supposed to be some Spanish dama thing.

Toni Braxton and Alec the Ego are up first. Their Rhumba was pretty, even though there were only about three seconds of actual Rhumba in it. And Toni’s outfit was weird; it looked like an open dressing gown with a bushy tail in the back. She looks disproportionately naked compared to her partner. Why isn’t he practically nekkid, I ask you? (Note to producers: make Alec more naked next week and I will like him better.)

Brooke and the Boytoy are next, doing a Paso Doble. I don’t see very many good Pasos on this show, so I’m concerned about what I’m gonna have to be tolerating tonight. Anybody remember how great the Paso Dobles were on So You Think You Can Dance this past season? But I digress. Okay they’re still a striking looking couple, but that was substandard. Some nice poses, but she was very stiff and pretty awkward. And what was with the music? I know I should be able to mention the classical piece by name and composer, but didn’t they used to play it for the Nightly News? Not so inspiring for this dance. The judges have just slobbered all over them with praise. Somebody get out the spit guard.

Rocco the chef and Karina the vodka are doing Rhumba. All these up-close lead-in tapes are so plastic. I hope they’re gonna dance more naturally than these roll-ins. Wow, that was lame. Rocco alternated between looking like he’d fall down from a standing position, and reaching out his arms and looking, um, gay. And Karina danced all around him like he was the Frankenstein maypole. And they used props. I hate props. We are not amused. He must leave.

Lance and Lacey are next . . . the first of the couples that make me keep from spontaneously combusting with unnervement. (Is unnervement even a word? See how unnerved I am?) You know that hot wax you have to pay extra for at the car wash? It looks like someone shellacked Lance with it from the neck up. Talk about your Madame Tussaud’s. Well . . . I’m not sure if that was a Paso Doble, but I liked it. A lot. Really interesting and beautiful dancing. That’s making me. For some reason. Talk like William Shatner. In Star Trek. And should I be as amused as I am that Lance Bass was dancing to “I Kissed a Girl”? Hehehe.

Son of Corky and the Prostitute are now going to Rhumba. Boy, she makes me want to barf. After he pranced around for a while, she assumed a blowjob position, then they gyrated against each other. And the chemistry between them! Well . . . there was no chemistry between them. Significant lamitude. It’s neck-and-neck for me whether she or Rocco is the next one to be eliminated. If only it could be another double elimination.

Misty and Maks are nekst, doing the Paso. That was kind of a hot tranny mess. Literally. Misty the jock looked like a tranny doing that. I didn’t like it. I like her, but I think she looked lousy. And she had so much more personality listening to the judges than at any point during that crappy dance. Maks suks.

Maurice and Cheryl will now Rhumba. I don’t have high expectations. Cheryl and her dress were moving in two different time zones, which perhaps was to distract us from the fact that Maurice was doing nothing. Just standing and throwing in a hip or two. Yawn. And did I say: Yawn. Get outta here!

It’s Cloris time, doing the Scottish Paso with Corky. I love the fact that they danced to Ravel’s Bolero. And that Cloris in that wig and that attitude looked like Frau Blücher (rheee-heee-heee). She has this habit of leaning backward, which is odd, and she’s nothing but immobile in her upper torso. But I love her. Keep her here. Save Cloris! Save Cloris!

Lucci and Swarthy danced a slow-motion Rhumba. How can you do a Rhumba to “Waiting on the World to Change”? Answer: You can’t really. I know the Rhumba is a slow dance, but that looked like it was underwater. It was boring and passionless, but at least she didn’t look like she had breakable chicken legs this week. I don’t care about her longevity, but I’d certainly rather she stayed instead of the Chef and the Prostitute.

Here come Refrigerator Warren and Aussie Kym, doing an infield Paso. (Did you see what I did there? That was a football pun.) I don’t know who comes up with these ideas, like doing Paso Doble via The Matrix. I do enjoy Warren, and he didn’t embarrass himself. But he wasn’t particularly inspiring either. Especially during that hot mess ending.

Last come Cody Montana and Julianne “Cough” Hough, doing a Rhumba. NAMBLA alert, the boy is going for sexy tonight. He did loosen the hips a bit, and he held her leg pretty well when she extended it. Not a lot of personality, but he had good body carriage. It think it’s funny how Julianne, all of 21, is Mrs. Robinson dancing with this kid.

That’s it for this week. I leave it to your own fabulous resourcefulness to determine who is eliminated tomorrow night. You certainly know who I want outta here.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 29th, 2008 at 9:56 pm and is filed under So You Think You Can Dance. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.