Multiple Personality

Now that Kim has been bootied off (get it?) and Rocco is table scraps, there aren’t that many loathesome contestants left. Chicken-Legs Lucci and Disco Maurice are still here — and Refrigerator Warren will confirm a spot on my shit list tonight or redeem himself. And Cody Montana needs to have something scandalous, like a gay porn past, be revealed for him to be interesting enough. The others I can tolerate. I guess that’s a better percentage than digging for a pony (do you know that joke? Trust that it’s scatological.).

Lance and Lacey are up first. I hope they continue being useful. They’re doing West Coast Swing. I can’t believe this show is doing West Coast Swing. That’s some hard stuff, dude. Well…that was a hard dance, and it kind of got the better of them. (And was one of the lyrics in their song, “I’m a bottom man”? Um…hello?) I thought this was a weird dance — the song had a Cha Cha rhythm, and the dance had a Rhumba feel. And Lacey danced all over the place, and Lance danced all under the place, not to mention onto his bum. But if he’s a bottom man, maybe that was intentional. (Ba-da-boom.)

Toni and Alec. Hmm…I didn’t include them in the Insufferable Contestant list. She’s borderline. And could we have a week where we don’t hear about her heart condition? Unbreak her heart condition. These guys are also doing West Coast Swing. I smell roadkill. That was the slooooowwwest Swing I’ve ever seen. And a rather ugly-ass dance. In the middle they actually did a few real dance steps, but other than that it was a big nothing. And they were lumbering around like they had weights on their ankles. And not West Coast Swing. (I guess I shouldn’t have expected this show to treat this dance any more legitimately than they treat any other dance they massacre. Humbug.)

Chicken-Legs and Tony are doing the Hustle. Umm…the Hustle?! That’s a line dance with five steps in it, right? Sheesh. Yawwwwwn. Yep, that dance had five steps in it. Why is everyone dancing in slow motion tonight? At least Erica had glitter fringe on her boots. But I can’t say I’m impressed with any of the lifts, since she weighs about 12 pounds. And here’s a question: How can you even judge that dance on the same scale as what the West Coast Swingers tried to do? It’s like comparing apples to applesauce.

Now Refrigerator and Aussie are doing The Easy Dance. I wonder if there’ll be lifts in this. I’m disappointed that Warren didn’t have an MRI during the videotape roll-in. Lucci did it! Actually, that dance kinda worked. He’s strong and she’s got technique, so all the lifts worked really well. And a couple of them were really quite interesting. And it was fun seeing that behemoth move his hips and get funkay. I rather liked that. I guess Warren won’t be on the shit list.

It’s Cloris time, and she and Corky are doing Salsa. That was…good. There were some weird, extended pauses in it, but I think most of the partnering wasn’t any worse than the earlier couples. And, c’mon, she’s 82 freakin’ years old! Keep Cloris! Keep Cloris! (To make voting easy, remember this: Obama first, Cloris second.)

Annoying and Chunky are up next. (Okay, I’m sorta kidding…she’s not chunky.) Gee. I can’t. wait. to see. their. Salsa. excitemennnntttzzz. That was yucky. Yeah, it had some energy, but if there was any question whether Cheryl is Latin, the answer is NO. That was so unSalsa-y. Some of their poses were difficult and well executed, but I just could feel my half-Latin side rolling it’s eyes. (And if you don’t think it’s uncomfortable for your side to have eyes, you just don’t know.) Meh. I’m ready to lose these two. I’d even rather keep Chicken-Legs around for a while than see these guys again. But I guess they’ll be sticking around, since the judges just slobbered all over them with three 9’s. Sheesh.

Brooke and Boytoy are now gonna do a Jitterbug. I really enjoy watching her dance. That was pretty good, even though Jitterbug is not a 1950s dance. I didn’t find Boytoy so insufferable but, as usual, that’s because she’s so lovely to watch that I don’t notice his stuff. I’m glad they’re continuing to do good work. And I hope they get higher scores than that sprinter who annoys me. And they did. Good.

Cody and Blondie are up last. It’s another alleged Jitterbug. Hey, that was pretty good, and it felt a little more authentically Jitterbuggy than the other. Not bad. I think that may have been the most athletic dance of the evening (compare with the Chicken Leg slo-mo). I take it back: Cody doesn’t necessarily need to do gay porn to be interesting. Pretty good.

So…since Annoying Sprinter probably isn’t going home, I’m choosing Toni and Alec. Let’s see if America agrees with me. Or not. Whatever. (This is the most dystopic recapping I’ve ever done.) Have a good week. Go out and watch some real dancing.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 20th, 2008 at 9:34 pm and is filed under So You Think You Can Dance. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.