Dancing with the Stars - Slightly Less Weak 8
Now that Chicken Legs is out, perhaps the Parade of Mediocrity can bump things up a notch. And maybe monkeys will fly outta my butt. (Too pessimistic?) All the “stars” are doing a 15-second solo in the midst of things. Is it evil of me to wish Susan Lucci were still around for that?
Cody Montana is up first, and he’s still dancing with Natasha Fatale instead of Blondus Hospitalus. The Summer of ‘42 couple did a respectable, albeit vanilla, Foxtrot. I did like the lifts and the leg-over-the-shoulder thing. But really, the most interesting thing was trying to figure out what was going on with the ass portion of Edyta’s dress. Was that a buttcrack slit, or what?
Lovely Brooke ad Annoying Kendoll will now do a Tango. I dunno, I had great hopes for that Tango, but Brooke was directed to dance it stiff and with no personality. I thought it really kinda sucked, even though technically it wasn’t bad at all. But the truth is that Brooke isn’t a professional dancer, and Kendoll really focused on the wrong things. It was a pretty damn ugly dance, and did the near-impossible of making Brooke seem pretty damn ugly.
Sprinty and Chunky are doing a Quick Step next. Yipes. Maurice really has trouble with the ballroom dances, and even though his frame is a little better tonight, he’s still subpar. The steps are supposed to be long and energetic, and he looked like one of those little poodles at the Westminster Kennel Club, taking strides we would expect from Chicken Legs. He wasn’t pulled up enough, or stretched out enough, or energetic enough, or entertaining enough. Other than that, he was magnificent. Har har.
Lance and Lacey. Foxtrot. Endometriosis, or something. (That’s Lacey’s new DWTS disease.) Gee, that was a very lackluster showing. Lance was downright clumsy through much of it; he just doesn’t seem to be growing any longer. (I mean…he’s not advancing further….I don’t know how long he grows.) That was not a sharp number, or an exciting number. Even though I think I’d like these two to stay longer than Sprinty, I think — of the first dances — this one was inferior.
My blood sugar must be down…I’m liking these dances a lot less than the judges. Either that, or the judges are full of crap.
Fridge and Aussie are up now. Her guest injury is something about her shoulder. They’re droppin’ like flies, kids. Warren has to do the JIve and the Tango. Eesh. The Tango was actually quite entertaining. I mean, here’s big ol’ Warren in a James Bond suit (albeit a bedazzled James Bond suit), and they’re dancing to the Peter Gunn theme. And he’s moving that body much better than is to be expected (even though his feet are still, largely, for shit). So I can’t complain, even though it’s not a technically fabu number. It was the most enjoyable thing thus far tonight, and I’ll take what I can get.
The second dances start with Cody and Edyta Mamboing. First of all, it wasn’t a Mambo, which is getting annoying in this competition. But then, how could it be as sultry and sensual as a real Mambo, when Cody clearly knows how to work with a Wii console much more adeptly than a mature woman? But beyond that, I think we’ve really got something to worry about with these 15-second solos all the “stars” are expected to do. Cody just went insane, a cross between Disco John Travolta and Spazzo Richard Simmons. Come to think of it, these solos could be quite amusing…
Brooke and Boytoy did a Mambo next. Now THAT’s what I’m talkin’ about! That was HOT!!!! I loved that! It was dangerous, and it was exciting, and Derek even deserved to be called by his real name. Brooke was gorgeous and sexy, and danced great, and they were doing moves that might even have deserved to be in That Good Dance Show. There were a couple jerky passages where I might’ve preferred more connectedness, but all in all it was a terrific dance. I guess Brooke’s 15 seconds was at the beginning (right after a great turn sequence from Derek); I guess that was 15 seconds, though it just seemed like a few. But good on her.
Maurice and Cheryl are doing (another) Paso Doble. That was pathetic. Maurice really needs to be voted off the island this week. The man doesn’t understand the difference between walking and dancing. He looked like a kid throwing a tantrum, the way he was stomping all over that stage. And that pathetic solo, aka Cape Work ‘R Us. My favorite cringe-worthy moment was the last combination, where Maurice pulled Cheryl through his legs at such a bad angle that she came through in a huge split-beaver. Very pretty. This guy has to be history. I am so over it.
Lance. Lacey. Samba. Endometriosis. Well, it started off okay, and moderately Samba-y. Then Lance’s solo was only semi-automaton, so he didn’t really embarrass himself…but it had nothing to do with Samba, so meh. Then they did some more dancing that wasn’t terrible and still had mostly a Samba feel. If I didn’t find myself so ready for Maurice to leave, I’d have to admit that I wouldn’t mind losing Lance and that shiny pelt of his. But when I criticize him I feel like I’m kicking a puppy, or something. So he should stay. But he shouldn’t win.
Warren and Kim are doing that Jive. (I’ve never quite been able to figure how the Jive is a Latin dance, but so be it.) Well, it was entertaining, once again, and Warren’s solo was passable. He does get by on charm, doesn’t he? I wished the dance had had more partnering, but it moved along, and Warren really does get into it in a very agreeable way.
I think it would actually be fun to have Brooke and Warren compete in the finale.
November 11th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Hear, hear! (But you knew I’d agree with that last comment.) I loved how Warren owned up to his suckiness in last week’s routine and made us laugh at the same time. And yeah, Brooke’s mambo and solo were SMOKIN! I bet Len and the guy I can never understand were glad they were sitting behind a desk. At the beginning of the show they were going on and on about solos and then, what? Two counts of 8? Well I guess it’s a lot for them, but that’s only twice the length of the dancettes on TGDS. I’m just happy all the dancers who give me a stomach ache are gone and I can relax now, even if it is mostly mediocre. Go Warren! Brooke is probably a lock, but I may even pick up a phone next week for Mr Personality to help him out. I think Maurice is gone. His eyes have lost all their joy and he just looks down and defeated. I think you and I deserve to be rewarded for watching by having our top picks in the final =)