Multiple Personality

Everybody looks kinda punchy tonight, especially that Samantha girl who tries to host the thing when her tongue is cooperating with her. And there’s gonna be team dancing…the Jets are gonna have their way…toni-i-ight.

Warren and Aussie Blondie are first. They’re doing a Foxtrot. Supersized. A Foxtrudge. That, actually, wasn’t half bad. Warren is surprisingly agile when he’s doing much of the footwork, and his frame was pretty solid. However, he makes the deal-breaker mistake of no longer “dancing” when he’s not moving his feet. His energy just stops, and he’s just standing there waiting for the next sequence, or waiting for a bus, or waiting for Godot, or something. And I think it’s this bit that will keep him from the finale.

Kathy Griffin — friend to the gays — is in the audience. And the Gay Italian judge decided to wear a boa and come out, in code. Kathy Griffin can have that effect. Or maybe it was his attempt to help the No on Prop 8 campaign tomorrow. No on 8, y’all.

Susan Lucci looks good tonight. Man, they are getting a lot of mileage out of her tiger-clawing-growling move from last week. Yawn. Her partner has a very nice upper torso, by the way. Chicken Legs got all dramatic and emotey in the roll-in. Ooh, dramatical. The dance was better than she’s been, and she was hitting her moments sharper. But there’s still an overriding feeling of brittleness to everything she does. None of her steps connect and there is no flow. Sorry, Erica, you can’t make it to the finale either. (And by the way, what was that rogue flute that kept playing on and on after the rest of the song ended? Sheesh.)

Sprinter and Chunky are doing a Cha Cha tonight. I’m preparing to be underwhelmed. According to the roll-in, Maurice is this week’s Designated Gimp. Ooh, dramatical. The energy in that dance wasn’t half bad (even if both the through-the-legs moves were lousy). That being acknowledged, Maurice’s arms are a train wreck; he can’t do proper ballroom frame to save his life. And it seemed very imbalanced, with Cheryl doing three times more work than him. And, honestly, it didn’t look to me like he had any kind of injury. Perhaps he’s just a trooper and didn’t let it show, but I tend to think it’s more of the make-believe drama this show devolves into. Remember last season when that dreamy latin guy actually popped his bicep, and had to dance in spite of it? Unless the “injury’ is of that intensity, kids, I don’t really want this show wasting our time.

Cody Montana is dancing with the antiBlondie tonight. She’s having some organ removed, and that Russian chick dancing in her place. What grade should she get? And would that be called a letter to the Edyta? Yuk yuk yuk. I loved the roll-in, by the way, with Julianne lying there in her “hospital bed,” giving them weak (cough, cough) advice about doing it for the Gipper, or whatever the hell she said. Well, that Viennese Waltz was kinda weird. The pairing of those two was a little disconcerting; whereas Blondie looked almost age-similar, Edyta looks Mrs. Smirnoff seducing the newspaper delivery boy. They did dance sort-of okay, but his clumsiness was much more obvious tonight than usual. And why can’t I get the theme from Summer of ‘42 out of my head? And OH — that last pose was about the weirdest and worst thing I’ve ever seen. Unless someone was striving for it in a porn movie. Not that I’ve ever seen one of those, mind you. But it did kinda look like the infamous swimming-pool-fornication scene from Showgirls…without a pool. Or swimming.

The Parade of the Dramatical Roll-Ins continues, with Lacey gettin’ all hormonal on Lance. And — wait for it — Lance has hurt his toe! Injury and confrontation! How delightful. Can we get on with the barefoot Rhumba, pleeeeze? First, let me say that there isn’t a dance that can’t be improved when the girl is wrapped in a burlap bag. Second, when in doubt bring a park bench onstage. (It worked for an unforgettable number on that Good Dance Show, but Toto, we’re not there anymore.) Third, if you aren’t feeling comfortable with a Rhumba, then do some kind of generic Modern dance instead. What the hell was that? I mean, the steps were pretty well done (well…at least by Lance…it was hard to see what Burlappy was doing). But there wasn’t a single Rhumba step in the whole thing. These people are making it very hard for me to root for them. But Kathy Griffin seemed to like it. And I think she was sitting next to that big-breasted Topanga girl from Boy Meets World. I only bring that up so I can make a cheap joke about Topanga canyon.

My girlfriend Brooke and The Intermittently Insufferable Kendoll are doing a Foxtrot next. I’m not gonna dwell on the roll-in, with its reminder of Brooke’s foot injury. Dramatical. That was my favorite dance of the evening. Brooke was lovely, particularly in the open moves (her frame was a little weird looking…I’m certainly the Frame Nazi tonight, huh?). And I loved the throws and poses. She just looks terrific, and he keeps himself from being overly nauseating. That’s the best I got for him, sorry. (Hey, I acknowledge that it’s his choreography and coaching, so props for that. But I’d SO rather watch her dance than him. Go figure.)

The team competition is up next. I smell a fiasco. Team Cha Cha (”featuring Chicken Legs!”) is up first. Ah, where to begin? I’ll start with the positive. The color of the women’s costumes was really nice. I love that orange. And Lance and Lacey had a VERY hot solo section. And — for all the grief I give Chicken Legs about her dancing — the woman looked sensational in that outfit…she’s over 60, f’r chrissakes! As for the rest of it…the unison was shit. Erica remembered about as much of it as she had in last week’s Hip Hop (which was virtually none of it). And I don’t know why it’s called a team dance when 80 percent of it was each couple doing their individual stuff, with only a little bit of unison/group. Not that I’m really complaining, since the unison/group stuff was an American Tragedy.

And now it is…Team Paso Doble. Ole! They all seem to be dressed for prom. Maybe it’s Prommo Doble. Let’s review where all the injuries are on this team, kids: Sprinty has a bad hamstring (or something), Brooke has a bad foot, Chunky has a bad relationship with the press, Warren has a glandular condition, Kendoll has Hambone Syndrome, and the Blonde Aussie comes from a former penal colony. HOW will they ever get through it?! Well, that had some pretty damn good energy to it. I can’t really gauge the unison, due to some spectacularly bad camera work, but what I saw looked infinitely better than the other team’s. And, once again, there was one couple — Brooke and Kendoll — that basically saved the solo sections. (Sorry, but both the male athletes were way too jerky, especially Warren. But Maurice got make-up points for having cute tush-in-flamenco-pants.) I kind of enjoyed that. And I even think the costumes worked.

I’m not sure who will be eliminated. As long as Brooke and Lance/Lacey stay in, I don’t really care who gets the shaft. (But I will say I’m more interested in seeing if Chicken Legs makes further progress than watching Maurice look like he’s destroying Tokyo.)

This entry was posted on Monday, November 3rd, 2008 at 10:52 pm and is filed under So You Think You Can Dance. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.