Multiple Personality

Okay, so there’s this website called dlisted.com, and the guy who writes it is so over-the-top that sometimes I just reach a critical mass of guilty laughter. Take, for example, his announcement of the forthcoming Broadway show starring both Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig:

File this under: news that made my nipples pass out. . . . Hugh Jackmeoff and Daniel Craig will star in a Broadway play together later this fall. That theater is going to constantly smell like spoiled goat milk, hot dog water and discarded tuna cans.

I just can’t print the rest of his post…even I have my standards. But you can read it here.

Remember how I went on a riff the other day about how DNA Stripper-Cowboy Kyle looks like American Idol winner Kris Allen? And then I wondered what kind of guest-starring role Adam Lambert could play, suggesting one of Jessica’s alter egos? Well, submitted for your review…  Adam as Tess:

OMG, I’m about to hurl, I’ve just been laughing so hard. I don’t know if you need to have lived through the ’80s to truly appreciate this, but my eyes are still watering. This was uncontrollable, screaming-my-head-off laughing. I’m almost afraid to watch it again. OMG.

My Cousin — My Daughter — My Cousin — My Daughter!

Starr and Cole — and Michael and My Little Pony — have finally been told that Hope floats. Cole is really making me want to start sniffling again…he’s doing a good job.

Schuyler and Gigi have finessed their way into the lab to try and debunk the Evil Stacy blood. (more…)

I don’t know if it’s the ratio of filler over content, or the advancing homo-squeamishness of Nigel, but I haven’t Felt the Joy so far yet this season. Perhaps tonight, with the sunny Adam Shankman on the judges panel, the worm shall turn.

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Over at picturesque Fairfax High in Los Angeles — between the trendy shops on Melrose and Canter’s Deli — the seniors have voted openly gay Sergio Garcia their Prom Queen.

“I feel invincible,” Garcia said in his tiara and charcoal-gray tuxedo. A few days earlier, he gave a speech that won over some cynics and led to an ovation and his unlikely victory.

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Hope on a Rope

Not to be gross or anything, but delaying orgasm can be an exciting thing…but if it goes on too long it leaves you feeling, well, blue. If the moment where Starr and Cole learn the truth about their baby could be likened to a climax (of storytelling, of course), then we’re getting near the range where things could flip from “utterly satisfying” to “bad timing.”

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It’s the second night of So You Think You Can Dance, and I’m hoping the focus tonight can be strictly on dancing instead of on psychosexual politics. So if Nigel keeps his pie-hole under control, we might have a jovial time.

Tyce Diorio is the guest judge for the Miami auditions. Anybody see the amazing Chorus Line documentary, Every Little Step? I have to say it’s hard to look at Tyce the same, now that I’ve seen him featured in that movie…he had rather the meltdown during the course of things. But I won’t deny his talent…I just prob’ly don’t wanna date him.

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Blood Is in the Air

So…when did we start liking Tea so much? She is stalwartly opening her eyes to trade banter with Todd, and everybody say “Yay.”

Langston and Markkkko have returned to Moe’s Boolah Palace after their night of underaged love, and Dorian greets them…with hair that looks no longer like an auburn tarantula. Good for you, Dodo! She tells the crazy, sex-satiated kids that Lola confessed last night to killing their condoms and punching holes in her own mother. Or vice versa. It seems that Lola is now being held in St. Anne’s. I wonder if it’s time to cue the nuns, or if there isn’t anybody else due for a St. Anne’s return these days (is that where we left Lindsey last time?).

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It’s been a hell of a week. Seven days ago, we were all (mostly) waiting to find out if the flamboyant gay boy would win the biggest contest (and television show) in America. He didn’t, amid snide remarks from a sour third-place Gokey about “manly” and “holy” love among men (which he clearly meant to imply our Adam wasn’t exhibiting). And yet, the adorable and platonically intimate bond between Adam and Kris (”The Other Christian White Meat”) was undeniable and restorative.

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