Multiple Personality

Pardon Me, Nurse Man-Hands, But Are You Insane?

It’s only three minutes into the show, and something has tickled my fancy. No, it wasn’t Slutty revealing how she’s ordered TAKE-OUT for her “home-cookin’ specials” (the WITCH!), or the extra-animated extra who delivered the take-out, or the fact that now we not only have Jared’s reaction to whatever-the-hell is in Room 302, but now we also have Natty’s reaction…and we still dunno what-the-hell it is. No, what struck my fancy was in the Nurse Man-Hands and Roxy contretemps (Roxy, btw, is doing a riotous job lately). Anyhoo, Rox is staring down the barrel of Man-Hands’s death syringe, and she says, all normal and conversational, “Nurse Charles, are you insane?” Like she is taking the census, and has to notate Insane-Americans next to African-Americans and Native Americans.

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Who the Hell Are You, Lady with Man-Hands?

It’s a day for personality disorder among characters who don’t have D.I.D.: Todd has flipped from Jerk to Good Dad and back to Jerk again. Rex has responded to Gigi’s full disclosure about Slutty by kicking his True Love out the door and gingerly putting his arm around The Walking STD (I’m pretty sure he’s pulling a fast one, but shouldn’t he at least be giving Gigi a big horse-wink behind Slutty’s back?). Mumbles is actually contributing valuable information (there’s a switch!), introducing the concept that Drugboy was set up. That would certainly explain why Convenient Quicksilver Cop happened to swoosh into the bell tower at just the right nano-second. But it better not be Todd who done set Cole up, because been-there-done-that-been-there-done-that…times infinity. And over at Foxy Roxy’s, a big ol’ HUH? as we learn whose man hand grabbed Roxy’s wrist as she was fondling the liter of blood: It’s that nurse from the Evil Coma Convalescent Hospital. When that nurse gets out of uniform, she is even scarier. But honestly, when the camera pulled back to show us who this Mystery Person was, and Roxy said, “Who the hell are you?” I think every viewer said that also. I’ve never felt so close to a collective television audience before.

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You may be like me, in that your perception of Farrah Fawcett was molded by teaser headlines on TV infotainment shows and odd appearances on David Letterman. But I just got done watching “Farrah’s Story,” about her fight against her cancer, and I can’t help but see her as an angel in a truer sense than any pun about her TV series would ever mean.

Farrah’s death yesterday was, it seems, overshadowed by Michael Jackson’s. And while this isn’t a competition — though lives in the entertainment industry are gauged by the amount of media attention, that gauge surely must be turned off for deaths — I can’t help but feel that the heart of yesterday’s news was with Farrah Fawcett. As I have come to realize by watching this show, hers was a life of courage, dignity and grace. And a wisdom and poetry that transcend our paralyzing fears and our stultifying preoccupations.

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I have no confirmed reason to believe that the man in the photo below, next to un-out, who-said-he-was-gay Anderson Cooper, is Andy’s HOT MALE LOVER. But if one had one’s choice of bicepped fornicatory companions, the Hunk of Burning Polo Shirt going bike-riding with El Coopo looks like a respectable choice.

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Rex, Blood and Audiotapes

Marty has come to visit Mumbles at his place of business, Mumbles’s Rodi’s, to ask if he can make her disappear…and her little son too. If John has that power, baby, I’d be asking him to make Sean, Destiny, and Stacy disappear. But John isn’t a vampire on this show, so I don’t think he can do it.

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What to say about tonight’s opening number? Well…the part that wasn’t Cinemax After Dark porn inspired by Flashdance or the Pussycat Dolls was pretty good. I’m glad they were able to stop dry (or wet) humping long enough to dance half the time. (I sound like a prude, huh? I’m not…I just have separate categories in my head for dance and, um, recreation…if you follow my euphemism. I’m actually rather surprised that it was choreographed by Nappy and Tabby; I usually rely on them for content and taste. Oh well…eveyone’s entitled to take a ride on the Tyce Diorio Crazy Train periodically. Cat continued the theme by coming out in hostess pajamas that were clearly designed for a 1970s wife-swap party. Party on, Cat.

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Will Somebody Please Tell Me If the Bunny Had Clothes On?

They’ve found another Arbitrary Exterior besides the baseball field, and Cole and Marty are walking down it with the baby. Who is that person walking way in the background? Is that a paid extra, or some poor fellow who has atmosphered without his consent? Marty doesn’t want Cole to marry Starr any more than Blair wants Starr to marry Cole.

It’s a good thing those gym mats are still on the floor of Ultraviolet, cuz it looks like Slutty is gonna have her Stacy way (or vice versa) with Rex right there on the floor. (more…)

We’re starting to get to know the dancers’ personalities more, so the standouts in the opening dance bits aren’t just those who are technically extraordinary, there’s also a mix of who is standing out emotionally. But Kayla and Evan are still the big standouts. And Vitolio and Melissa made a mark too. Cat is in her pumpkin toga, all set to celebrate Roman Halloween. Toni Basil is the guest judge tonight. What up that hat, Toni honey? She is talking about the history of Locking and Hip Hop. What the hell is she talking about? Nigel isn’t wearing a tie, and Mary is wearing her breasts.

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Brody’s in the Steamroom, Shoo Fly Shoo

It’s one big party over at the Snooty Club, as Rich Doctor Handsome is conferring with all the Bukes about Wheelie. Rachel has decided to hang around and heckle him, ostensibly because he abandoned Lumber the Bodyguard and Sassy the Sleepwalker. If you ask me, however, it wasn’t abandonment, it was self-preservation. Yeesh.

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Little Rex Wants a Ticket for the Town Ride

Gigi and Schuy-Schuy are each trying to find out The Real Donor in their own special way. Schuyler — ever the proponent of subtlety — has gone to the gym and is about to crush Kyle’s larynx with a barbell. Smooth. And Gigi is asking Natalie to drop the charges against the cowboy-stripper-homosexual (I love multitaskers). My favorite line came when Natalie concluded from the request that Gigi is now sleeping with Kyle. “What are you, the town ride?!” The “town ride”?? I love it!

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