Multiple Personality

Fresh Fish

We open by rewinding the BoNora scene where they break stuff…and then kiss. Luckily, today we know that the kiss is coming, so we can brace for the underwhelm of it.

Roxy has shown up at the Afternoon Halloween Party of Tedium…and then we cut to the Big Gay Mass Wedding. Pointy pins a buttonniere on Kyle (with his pointy powers, no doubt), while Poor Fish watches in the background…just in front of the Angel in Angel Square that was modeled after Luna Moody, who was into metaphysical stuff and probably predicted how bizarre this storyline was gonna be from her deathbed many moons ago. And look who’s here for all the Gay-ness: Andrew! He’s gonna officiate. Y’know…if Andrew believes in gay marriage, then I guess I believe in gay marriage too!

(more…)

A Morass with Sassitude

Okay, this is the first hour I can sit up and put together a coherent sentence. But I can’t guarantee this won’t all sound like it came from Crabby Guy with the Flu (as opposed to whatever Crabby Guy I usually sound like). Here goes.

It’s Halloween in Llanview, and that yenta lady from the drugstore is getting another couple days’ work (because she makes such an ironic Heidi Klum). It’s DC versus Marvel, as Sexy MILF Gigi-Catwoman and her two bat boys are having choice words with Sexy MILF Blair-Invisible Girl, Todd the Mr. Fantastic, and Jack as the Human Torch (who, btw, is Fish’s real-life brother, but I won’t go into that explanation again…search through the past posts if you’re baffled). My favorite, though, is little Ignatz trying to make sense of his Thing costume. That child is gonna need so much therapy when his gig here is over.

Lumber is being released from the hospital. Boo!! (It’s the scariest thing in the show, so far.)

(more…)

Which Rex Gets the Slutty Catgirl?

Today is already light-years ahead of yesterday, what with an opening scene of David greeting Viki at the door in a towel. David offers, but Viki isn’t in the mood for Naked Tai’Chi. Gotta love it.

Back at the Carriage House, Gigi is getting balder and Shane is getting older. She is starting to look like Kate Gosselin, and he looks like the combined age of all her children. He’s talking about Halloween, but he looks too old to care. Mumbles rings the doorbell, and Gigi sends Old Shane away…but not before she tells him to save her some KIT KATS and a TWIZZLER. Do these people get paid by the plug?

(more…)

All 20 are doing their little dance-ettes, and it’s weird having the stage miked so we can hear the three tappers…and one of them is a stand-out: Peter did a little pointe work on tap shoes. Yow. The other stand-outs were Jakob, Ellenore, Russell, Victor (six pirouettes with rising arms? Dude!), and Ryan’s tank top.

(more…)

It Is Better to Light One Candle Than to Curse the Dorkiness

The talk among the young’uns at Chez Hubcab is about the big gay wedding. The boys aren’t thrilled to learn that they’re expected to be in attendance among the homossssexuals. Speakinawhom, at the Fleabag, Fish asks Kyle if he can come in…sexy talk already?! And over at Crayfish Condo, Layla somberly explains — in case anyone didn’t hear her the first six times — that she can’t be with Cris because her comatose sister is in a coma. (I know I wasn’t asking rhetorical blog questions when she was on the canvas, but what kinda name is Evangeline? It sounds like she should be riding bicycles built for two with the Music Man.)

(more…)

There’s a new opening title montage, and it’s kinda good…except it makes all the dancing look computer generated. So I guess it’s not kinda good after all.

Tonight we get to meet the Top 20, before they start competing tomorrow. My dentist and I both agree that that’s sensible, since it gives the ones who haven’t had any camera time during auditions to land on an equal footing…to use dance analogies. Now if they don’t get votes, they don’t have a leg to stand on. Or maybe they’re just pas-de-bourr-rotten.

Cat comes out in a sparking black mini dress. She looks about three feet taller than usual. And there’s evidently a new set. It looks like it has yellow antlers growing out of it. And now Adam Shankman is a permanent judge.

(more…)

This Show Is Coming from Inside Carlivati’s Head

That title doesn’t mean much, except that they called this episode, “The Call Is Coming from Inside Your Head,” which I think is very funny. (And if anyone remembers Jessica’s classic “The wolf is on the phone?” line, you get eternal brownie points.

Fish comes home from a hard day of work to find Cris painting shirtless, adding to his hardbody of work. He puts on a shirt, and Fish accuses him of being all shy around the gay guy ogling his manly pecs and perky nipples. These two wacky kids. (more…)

Sorry, Jack, You’ll Have to Keep the Parents You Got

Tea explains to Rachel (and us) that she wasn’t sure Todd was the father of her surly London-sequestered imp until she took a DNA sample. She lets out a hearty laugh at the availability of Todd’s DNA samples. Dirty.

Ross is now the Hunk Brother with his shirt off, espousing the virtues of taking a shower without worrying about dropping the soap. Dirtier.

(more…)

Wheelie Potter

Gigi is gettin’ ready for that big couples therapy session with Dr. Saybrooke. It seems that Shane is spending the night at Justin’s house. And Gigi has learned a few things about counseling from Deb. Who the hell are Justin and Deb, and is everybody getting mass-gay-married on their show?

Nora is on London-to-Llanview long distance, telling Rachel why Rachel wasn’t invited to the kidnapping. (more…)

Llanview, Pennsylvania…Hershey’s Neighbor to the North

How much are we incrementally continuing to love Jack? He won’t stop calling Tea “Half-Naked Lady,” and it’s driving his same-haircutted father crazy. Not to mention the way the kid is busting Todd on his reasons for sniffing around Blair. And over at the jail, Half-Naked Lady has dropped in for a visit with Half-Naked-If-He-Had-the-Chance Surfer Bum.

(more…)