Mike Brady, Rapist
It’s been quite a week on One Life Over Soon. We had Viki, Niki, and La Randolph in the Allegorical House of Mirrors (celebrating Erika Slezak’s forty years on the show [I've been watching it longer than than -- Daisy Cortlandt from All My Children was the original Viki/Niki, in case you wanted to know]). Then the tape that Niki left in the communal handbag led to Viki letting Charlie know what a duplicitout be-yatch ol’ Hammer-Jaw is. (But I did happen to like the wounded albeit square-jawed look on Echo’s face as Schmuckles read her the riot act and dumped her sorry but generous ass.
Meanwhile, Tess has been winning me over in her delightfully dysfunctional way. As soon as she realized Ford would sell her out as a bargaining chip for his baby, she annulled his tight but dimpled ass and married my new favorite Mugging Con Artist, Cutter. (One question: Since he’s not really Aubrey’s brother, how could Tess’s married name be Wentworth…since it’s not even her real name, either? All I can guess is, Cutter and Aubrey keep some fake-I.D.-maker’s children in private school.) And since Cutter’s Invisible Super-Lawyer was able to get Tess annulled and remarried in the span of five evening minutes, I guess he just knows how to get good help. Can he find an assistant for Dr. ’80s-Afro-Hair who knows how to label a cassette?