Speedo, How Could You?
As the Summer Olympics draw near, there are several things to focus the attention upon: Will China’s medal count go higher than its human rights violations? Will NBC spend at least half of its airtime on the actual competitions, or will it be 90% up-close-and-personals? Will the French have cooler looking uniforms than us?
But all of these issues — even the last one — pale in comparison to the heartbreak of the Speedo situation.
There are plenty of gay men who watch football and all that other sports stuff. (Yeah, I’m clearly an aficionado.) But wherever one may land on the faux-Kinsey scale with Musical Theater at one end and the NHL at the other, all gay men make time for three Olympic events: figure skating in the winter, gymnastics and swimming in the summer. (There is Greco-Roman wrestling, but that’s delving into a pervy area.)
The perfect three-way does not involve a college student and a hot male couple from Craig’s List. No, the three components are: one viewer, one Olympic swimmer, and one Speedo. It’s a classic. And you can TiVo it.
2008 will be remembered as the Year of the Wet Beef Buzzkill; there is likely to be very little meat in this summer’s swim meet. Speedo has introduced this stupid LZR full-body swimsuit. Sport ethicists will debate the validity of putting on a tight rubber onesie for a competitive edge. Horndogs will just bemoan the underexposure.
Thanks a lot, Speedo.
Take a picture, it’ll last longer.