Son of Penis
If you were here for either of the last Penis Posts, you’ll recall that I promised this guy I would write a post each week about penises, if he would divulge some information I was irrationally curious about. Unexpectedly, he did. Ironically, I had already figured it out. Intrepidly, I’m trying to be true to my penile word. I don’t know that there is such a thing as a “penile word,” and how it would be different from any other kind of genitally inspired word. I’m not really certain words can be inspired by genitals. Oh wait — I take that back. Many a man has given or broken his word over indoor or outdoor plumbing.
This week in the Penis Chronicles, I’m taking an even more oblique approach than before. I visited a site called Shagnasty’s Penis Owner’s Club. Though I am being a good doobie and linking to it, I do not endorse the site. Or condemn it, either. I don’t really have any opinion on it, perhaps in some kind of parallel to the egalitarian stance I have toward (most) penises. I won’t say that I’ve never met one I didn’t like, but I will say that I’m in favor of them. How’s that for a platform?
The “juice” of today’s post, if you will, is something I found on the welcome page of the Penis Owner’s Club; a bullet-pointed list I selectively reprint here. This is as penisy as it’s gonna get today, kids. Enjoy.
- Ensure that your mind is wider than your mouth.
- Never take medicine in the dark.
- Police, Judges, Vicars, etc are just people - no more & no less, treat them as such.
- A dog with money is still a dog.
- Many died in Europe to defeat the fascists, you only need to be nice, and vote!
- Don’t face expensive hi-fi equipment when you are going to sneeze.
- If you think that you’ve seen everything, squat on a mirror tile, you will be surprised!
- When your alarm goes off, remember that it has actually gone on.
- Trees can’t dance, so don’t ask them, rejection hurts.
- God spelt backwards is Dog, remember that next time you step in shit, it helps.
- No sex between consenting adults is dirty, war however is very dirty, so knock it off.