Multiple Personality

He May Be Back in Town, But He Ain’t from this Planet

The Vickeroshi Chronicles continue, with a stopover to the Palace Hotel roof…which, suddenly, is located right next to a body of water (anybody else surprised?). Not only that, it seems like not just any body of water, but the Sleazy Waterfront Docks that so much of the almost-drowning and losing-of-firearms seems to happen at. And wouldn’t you know, it’s a popular place for unescorted women to stroll (even those who aren’t hookers…but since it’s Tea and Blair who have met up there, I can’t say be sure about the not-hooker thing).

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Vickeroshi’s Hair is Buddharrific

Llanview’s robed monk has made it to Addie’s B-Box (not to be confused with Z-Box) Party, with more cleansing to do of his soul. I think whoever made his hair look so George-Clooney-Tibetan deserves a hearty handshake.

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Scar-No-More!…Because the Make-Up Guy Was Getting Tired

It’s New Year’s Eve in Llanview, and Spooky Disco Marty has her best sequined pantsuit on, ready to boogie-oogie-oogie Todd’s spleen so he won’t boogie-oogie-oogie no more. Tea is listening to Todd make his plans, and she’s curious, oh my you bet’cha. (Have you noticed that Tea isn’t quite in the same acting league as the people she’s working with these days? No offense. But her “drunk” thing is annoying.)

Things are hopping at Ultraviolet, where Puddle of Goo will be entrancing all of us with their sultry tones. And Blair has walked into the John McBain Den of Iniquity, where Your Host will even wear his Hawaiian shirt if it gets Blair horizontal before midnight.

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Vickeroshi!

Oh, this should be good. Like me, I’m sure you’ve cliff-hung through the weekend over three salient points: 1) What is Spooky Marty doing chillin’ outside of Scarface’s bathroom? 2) How long is David Vickers’s walking stick? and 3) How many times will the good ol’ boys over at Casa de Asa get to say “Beaver”?

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Hello, Dalai! (Lama)

There’s a mystery pair of sandals trudging their way in the snow to Llanview. I’m so excited for them to get there, cuz I’d recognize those rascally toes anywhere.

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Todd’s Waiting for His Lawyer to Get Him Off

Hell, yeah, that’s what they said. Blair said that line. Just like that. I don’t make this stuff up. Unless I need to.

We’re still in Le Court du Snarky, and little Starr is insisting that her father would’ve stolen her dead baby had it not been a dead baby (which it’s not, but let’s not quibble). Tea is working hard to get Todd off. Heh heh heh. And Nora is rootin’ for Starr to get up there and make some Todd-ka-bobs.

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Tea’s on a Leash…Grrr!

We’re still in the courtroom, having a pre-trial (something akin to pre-menopause, I’m beginning to think, what with its extreme lengthiness, and short tempers of the participants…not to mention the bloat. Okay, I’m done). Tea has called John McBain up to help her shoot holes in the case. Nora objects, and Judge Snarky says one of my favorite TV court expressions: “I’ll allow it, Ms. Delgado, but you’re on a short leash.” I bet that judge would be less snarky if he had Tea in the harness and sling, as well as the leash. But I digress.

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It’s Almost Christmas…Stink-Eye for Everyone!

Stinkwitch Tea is getting Marty to say she was in luuuuuv with Todd Manning. And Stinkface Sarah is whining about Cris marrying Slinkita. And who knows how Rex will ever get a Z-Box from Dorian, who is giving him major stink-eye.

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Margaret’s Undead, and Téa is a Playah

Antonio has good hair today, but an absolute inability to do a decent spit-take. As in, when Cris announced his Slinkita union. How do you say “what–ever!” in Spanish?

Rex is moaning to Noelle the Waitress about how poor he is. I don’t need Spanish for this: What–ever!

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Tess Is a Fabulous Mess

Cole called Tea the tool of Todd after the hearing. I think he wanted to just call her a tool, but his amnesiac mama raised him better than that. Tea tried to reason with him, because life isn’t black and white. And ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony. But Cole is feeling too peeved for her sultry Latina lawyer aphorisms, and he snorts until she evacuates. Or he snorts until his nose evacuates all over her…Merry Christmas, Lawyer!

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