Multiple Personality

On Tuesday night’s Daily Show, Jon Stewart got ever-so-politely pugnacious with Mike “the Huckster” Huckabee (who, for some unmerited reason, was granted two segments for his interview).

When the conversation turned to gay marriage — the only thing that ever comes to mind when I remember all of Huckabee’s gay-to-bestiality comparisons — Jon Stewart showed what an utterly exemplary human being he is. And all without getty huffy. Here’s his response when the Huckmaphobe started defending discrimation against “that lifestyle choice”:

“I’ll tell you this: Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality. And the protections that we have for religion? We protect religion — and talk about a lifestyle choice — that is absolutely a choice. Gay people don’t choose to be gay. At what age did you choose not to be gay? . . .

And when Hucky said, “[T]hose who support same-sex marriage have a lot of work to do to convince the rest of us,” Mr. Stewart wrapped things up by saying:

“I think it’s a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to have to ‘make their case’ that they deserve the same basic rights.”

Can we elect Jon Stewart king, or something?

The Dan Band is the brainchild of Dan Finnerty, hub of Kathy Najimy. So what’s not to love? I especially love the rock-out gospel part at the end. (One thing I can’t figure out, though: How does Neil Patrick Harris continue getting incrementally cuter?)

The only thing worse than a country-invading NeoCon is a hypocritical, country-invading NeoCon. On the heels of President Howdy W. Doody saying that he regrets the “bad intel” that made him invade Iraq, now we have Condddolleezzzaa “I Call My Sugar Condi” Rice now saying the same thing.

It wigs me out how these people have some kind of mass email list, in which they all receive the same script, and they all repeat it as much as the media will allow (which is, apparently, endlessly). And now the script that they’ve all got is a mandate to portray some kind of disingenuous regret for having had bad information that impelled them into the war. Well, pardon me, but bullshit. You all wanted to invade the country, and you blocked the real intel so you could have more credibility to do it.

At least take the responsibility for your actions, you warmongering, monomaniacal imperialists…who also happen to be big, honking liars. You don’t get any slack now because of “bad intel.” All you get is extra eye-rolling from the rest of us because your chutzpah seems to know no limits.

Caroline Kennedy (whose extra name is Schloss-something) would apparently like the New York Senate seat being vacated by Hillary Clinton.

I love how that sounds.

Did you hear about the Christmas ornament that was rejected for the White House tree?

Evidently, a bunch of artists were commissioned to come up with ornaments, and artist Deborah Lawrence wanted to salute Democratic Rep. Jim Lawrence and his Bush impeachment resolution.

Ms. Lawrence’s first reaction when she was approached about trimming Bush’s tree: “I was at first nauseated, then realized it was an opportunity,” she said.

So even though it won’t be on the tree, maybe it might still come true? Oh, Santaaaaa…

See if you can count all the big stars that participated in this. I am loving it.

I try to stay away from attacking religious institutions, even the ones that act like they need to be institutionalized. But it seems that the U.N. passed a resolution (or a declaration, or whatever it is the U.N. passes) formally condemning discrimination against gay people — and the Vatican OPPOSES it.

Look, I respect that many people in this world find their spiritual solace through the tenets of a faith called Catholicism. But I’m really sick and tired of a bunch of homophobic guys in dresses deciding the judgmental opinions that millions of others should have. It’s as if they wake up every morning and ask WWJH: Whom would Jesus hate?

And now, the Vatican is acting like the uppity gays are being aggressive and “attacking” them. I guess I could launch into a laundry list of the Catholic Church’s abuses, beginning by mentioning all those molested altar boys. And then I could rhetorically ask who deserves the respect here, and who should perhaps be adopting a humble and conciliatory tone. And I could theoretically suggest that some religious megalomaniacs might want to clean up their own garden first (and not make it a rock garden, lest somebody bring up that “he without sin/cast the first stone” thing).

But I think I’ll refrain from doing any of that.

The singer Jason Mraz was once asked to describe his sexuality without using the words “gay” or “straight.” His response: “Awesome.” If some of these ordained authorities of our behavior could say that about their own sex lives, then maybe they might feel impelled to keep their noses out of everybody else’s.

Barack Obama’s atypical and thoughtful remarks early in the campaign convinced me he was a candidate I could fully invest in. And now he has announced some key Cabinet selections. And one of his comments during the announcement reminded me of why I’m so hopeful:

“I assembled this team because I am a strong believer in strong personalities and strong opinions,” he said.

“I think that’s how the best decisions are made. One of the dangers in a White House, based on my reading of history, is that you get wrapped up in group-think and everybody agrees with everything and there’s no discussion and there are no dissenting views. So I am going to be welcoming a vigorous debate inside the White House.”

“But understand, I will be setting policy as president. I will be responsible for the vision that this team carries out, and I will expect them to implement that vision once decisions are made.”

I’m just freakin’ proud there’s a sane, thinking, centered person about to lead us, okay?

I know it seems unsportsmanlike to attack a moronic, narcissistic, corrupt, inept, drug-addled President while he’s down, but the current Time magazine has an impressive article by Joe Klein about Pres. Howdy W. Doody and his last days.

It’s not a long piece (I’m referring to the article, not to Bush — though that might explain why he’s made the decisions he has), so I encourage you to use the above link to read the whole thing. But here’s the especially good last paragraph (though I suspect it’s even better in context):

In the end, though, it will not be the creative paralysis that defines Bush. It will be his intellectual laziness, at home and abroad. Bush never understood, or cared about, the delicate balance between freedom and regulation that was necessary to make markets work. He never understood, or cared about, the delicate balance between freedom and equity that was necessary to maintain the strong middle class required for both prosperity and democracy. He never considered the complexities of the cultures he was invading. He never understood that faith, unaccompanied by rigorous skepticism, is a recipe for myopia and foolishness. He is less than President now, and that is appropriate. He was never very much of one.

Perhaps AIG could learn a thing or two from the Peer Bearing Company, owned until recently by the Spungen family. When their business was acquired by a Swedish company in September, the Spungens decided to give away $6.6 million in bonuses to the 230 employees.

I guess Rudy Giuliani would call that Socialism (I’m singling him out among the jerky hordes — or hoarding jerks — because I’m still mad at him about the “community organizer” thing). I guess I would call it people realizing we’re all in this together.

Thank you, Spungens. I didn’t get a penny from your bonuses, but I feel richer.